The Horror.

This is the kind of crap I have to put up with on a daily basis.



An anthropomorphic pickle-man who totes around some sort of grotesque, larval version of himself (SEEMS cute... until the rancid little creep starts squeaking) suddenly erupted from the brain case of Twinkie the Kid. Parasitism? Symbiosis? Can it in fact be that there is NO "Twinkie the Kid"... maybe that svelte, golden spongecake body has for decades concealed a leering, atrophied, brine-soaked simp waiting to explode a tidal wave of green vinegar into the mouths of the unwary? Wonder what name Snow White would give to THAT crap? Brrr – I'm still nauseous.

Peace, World Domination, and Sleestak Eyes to the Loyal.

- Phreddie

Letters, I get Letters

Okay, so today, I'm sharing a bit of the fan mail I've gotten since those morons decided to set up an e-mail address for me. Great, now I'm reachable. So here's some stuff:

Hello you sexy Monkey,I've recently stumbled onto your little world. Your all so worldly ways really made me wet:) I would love to stroke your beautiful shiny coat, and spank your naughty ass.So, you special little monkey, how would you like to come to my theme park? I promise you there would be more ups and downs than the likes of Disney:)

Your Secret Admirer-Jessy

Wow.

Well, Jessy, I'm not sure what to say. I was thinking that you were a one rabbit woman, but it seems that you like to doodle around. Tell you what, next time I'm in town, I'll come and climb your banana tree. Sound good?

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Hey monkey, stop taking a crap. And tell your cousins that when I went to Thailand two decades ago, you fuckers stole peanuts from behind my back; about 50 of them. I want them back!

Andy

Andy-

#1- I don't have any family. I'm an orphan. Thanks so much for reminding me. Any monkeys who took anything from you have obviously made a remarkable ascention up the evolutionary chart. Or then again, you may just suck at keeping track of your nuts. Lastly, it was 20 years ago... maybe you should let it go. Or switch to decaf.

#2- My crap is my business. I will take it, or fling it, anywhere I choose.

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Hey! It's BPG! Remember me? We had an awesome time in DL. Good to see you made it home safely. Pass my regards to Nate and Charlie

-BPG

BPG-

Yeah, I remember you. The nerdy one hanging off the cat-headed girl, right? I'm glad you enjoyed my presence so much. Next time, I might even let you buy me dinner at Blue Bayou. As for regards to Nate and Charlie...

Who?

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You haunt my dreams and manifest nightmares, you sparkle-eyed purveyor of gloom and despair....

Neill McCormick

Good. Now then, I expect that kind of respect from the lot of you. I mean it. Go get me a donut.

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Oh fabulous Phreddie! Please come to Chicago for your next modeling adventure! You would look absolutely fabulous at the Lincoln Park Zoo! Must see more Mahnke!

Your devoted fan, Countess Zero Von Two Three

I loved you on Sesame Street.

I like Chicago. I really do. I just don't like the Zoo. Period. It reminds me of something... bad. But- look for more Mahnke soon!

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Okay, that's it for today. I'll post my regional newsletter later.

Peace out, homies.

- Phreddie

Hello World

Okay, so here's my Blog. I'll be responding to e-mails here, posting photos of my days, and you can comment to your hearts content.

Just behave yourselves. I'll stare down anybody who gets outta line.

-Phreddie