Update Day

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. I've just been drunk.

Been an exciting few weeks at Casa de Mahnke. Went to a rock and/or roll concert, and got treated to a down home country style birthday, complete with roast pig, potato guns, and the biggest, gawdiest birthday card you've ever seen. And that got blown up, too.

So, I've got some pictures, and some fanmail to go over, so let's get to it.

As mentioned, Nate dragged me out of the house long enough for him to embarrass himself over a local rock star. I knew he had "groupie" written all over him. Anyways, this girl's name is Lennon, and she's really not bad-sounding. Or looking for that matter. Being the gracious monkey I am, I allowed a photo with her, and let Nate edge in too.



That's right. She touched me. Now, if only I could figure out a way onto the tourbus... Hrm.

More about Ms. Lennon can be found at her website: www.lennononline.com

Somebody in the North Carolina area did have a birthday recently, and I was a horrified spectator to the whole horrid show. I swear they did everything but sacrifice a goat to some long forgotten pagan god of the sea. They're really depraved folks out here, but once you get some booze in 'em, they're charming as all heck.

I think that this image speaks for itself, and sums up the event quite nicely.



Yes, that's a piece of a double-wide. Yes, that really was his birthday card. You can say this about these people, they do go all out on parties.

If you really want to see more of the carnage that was Nate's 38th birthday party, check here: MatJam's Birthday Bash. You have been warned, though. It's not pretty. Well, except for the photos of me. They're real pretty.

And now, on to my favorite part- Reader Phan Mail.

Hey Phreddie,

We hung out at Disneyland. Seems like you have a fanbase now.
What does it feel like to be a celeb/sex symbol?
Also, can I have your autograph?

-Chris (GJ)

OF COURSE I HAVE A FANBASE. What do you think I am --a regular flesh & bone monkey? I’d be thrilled to give you one of my autographs, Chris (GJ). I fling them pretty hard, though, so you may want to be sure any friends or loved ones are well away from your general vicinity the next time I’m close enough to lob it in your direction... just tohelp them avoid catching any excess autograph spatter. Or: would you prefer U.S. Mail?


I SHOWED YA MY BOOBS AND YOU FLUSHED THE PIC?

SUS

Showed them? "SHOWED" THEM??? ExCUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME, Sus: I nearly SMOTHERED in them! And here’s the so-called "flushed" picture to prove it:

(ahhhhhhhhh... thanks, Sus)

Dear Phreddie,

Is there any truth to the rumors that your "long lost brother, Fil"doesn't really exist, but is instead a figment of your imagination created to help you repress and cope with the traumatic memories ofthe years you spent living with Michael Jackson and Bubbles? Inquiring minds want to know.

Brian.

Brian, Brian, Brian. First off, let's dispell the rumor that you're an "inquiring mind". I've seen what you do when you're bored, and "inquiring" isn't an apt description. Oh yes, what you do is between you and God... and ME. Think about that next time you get the urge, my friend. The Jade Eyes are watching.

Secondly- Fil is a great guy. Since he moved out to Needles, CA. we don't keep in contact that much, but we always get back to the Daisy Hill Monkey Farm in St. Louis for Mom's birthday. Say, that's coming up soon. Better hook up the flight through Expedia.

Lastly, what happens in Neverland stays in Neverland.

Greetings Phreddie,

Thank God Almighty I came across your weblog today. For the sake of the world, I hope I am not the only one to speak out against your blasphemy; but I will add my voice to those that speak out against your evils. "Du Mahnke", indeed. A talking beast is such a fitting character to spread your lies! On your site you have people dressed as demons, women who may as well be yelling "Sex! Sex! Sex!", and promoters of gluttony all bowing down to your false idol. The Internet is the modern day playground to the children, and you lay this all out for their hungry little eyes to take in and corrupt their impressionable minds. Shame on you! Hopefully, you will see the wrong of your ways and decide not to promote the idea of a talking soulless creature that promotes demons and sex, and instead spread the Truth that shall save us all.

Fortis Curator

Wow.

Fortis- if that is indeed your real name- you have some valid points. Most of them seem to be hidden under your hat, but they're there nonetheless. The cult of Du Mahnke isn't blasphemy, man. It's a celebration of life! In this world of self deprication and supplication to "The Man", I provide a much needed service of role model to millions the world over. It's not evil, it's swell! If a woman wants to express her innermost self by dressing as a Klingon at a geekfest, that's her GOD GIVEN RIGHT- and I'll lay my silver shod body on the railroad tracks of injustice to derail the train of closemindedness so that that right is protected. How dare you mock the mighty Trekkies! They have a wrath greater that Khan! Watch out! As far as women that may as well be yelling "Sex, Sex, Sex"- well if I have anything to say about it, they wouldn't need to yell for long! Bada-boom, bada-bing! As for the internet being today's kids' playground, I got one thing to say- HEY! GO OUTSIDE! Play some damn baseball! Kick an old tire down the street! Ride your bike until the sun goes down! The intronweb will be here when you get back, and the porn you downloaded will be convienently deleted by your mom.

One last dealie for ya, Fortie- this ain't no party. This ain't no disco. This ain't no foolin' around. This monkey is real and he's IN YOUR FACE. Don't like it? Tough. I'll promote whatever the hell strikes my little monkey fancy, and who knows? Some day, I might even send some of those demon women your way. Hey- don't knock it 'til you've tried it, hombre. That's the truth that'll save us all.

Anywhoo. Peace and love to the faithful. You know who you are. Oh- and Happy Birthday to Ste3ve and Cal!